Well I have just barely survived the last two weeks. That first Monday was absolutely horrible. I was a mess, if anyone asked how I was doing, I cried more. Luckily Eric brought Carter in for lunch that first day and that made it a little easier. I wouldn't say it gets any easier for me to leave, now I just don't cry as much. I think it should be a state law that mommy's can stay home with their babies the first year. I am so afraid I am going to miss something. I always wonder if he knows that I am gone? I am thankful to have Eric home with him for the time being, that makes me feel a little better. Every second of my day now is planned. I use every valuable second I have to work during breaks and pump during recess. I actually think it has made me a more efficient teacher. My little kindergartners have been slightly more rowdy than I remember leaving them. We are in "re-training mode" right now. They are so adorable though, they ask me every day "when is baby Carter coming?" I have pictures up in my classroom of my little man so I can see him everywhere I go. Eric sends me texts throughout the day with pictures and video of them at home. I love getting them but sometimes it makes me miss him more.
Carter had his physical therapy last week. Again, amazing progress! Linda encouraged us to help him straighten his back occasionally when he sits to strengthen his muscles in his back. We are also working on more head control. I honestly think in this last week he has much more head control. Eric and I continue to work with him every day. I am hopeful that this will all help Carter in the future. The other day I was working with one of my students in my classroom that has special needs. I had to take a step back so I wouldn't start crying in front of him. I just worry sometimes about how Carter will be in the classroom. I see my kiddos in school struggle and it hurts me, I can't even imagine what it is going to feel like when it is my own child. I have defiantly become so much more empathic to my kids at school. I wish all parents could see all of the gifts that each child has. Stop and take in everything a precious child has to offer. I know I cherish every waking moment I have with Carter. Even as tired as I am waking up in the middle of the night at least I am spending more time with him. No one can ever explain the love you have for your child, it is indescribable until you have your own child.