Thursday, July 15, 2010
Into month 8
I can't believe how fast time is going with this pregnancy. I only have 42 days to go! I feel like I haven't had a chance to stop and think about being pregnant. I am running after Carter or just trying to keep up with life itself. But when I actually sit down and think about delivering this next baby, I am scared to death. I will never forget those first couple minutes after delivering Carter, my happiness of just bringing a baby into this world shattered by those words, "I think he may have Down Syndrome." But the fact that I let those words shatter all of the dreams I had at that moment for Carter, upsets me more. If I only knew then, what I know now. I also find myself feeling guilty when I pray that my next baby won't have DS, it makes me feel awful like I am wishing Carter didn't have DS. I am not even sure someone reading this will understand unless they themselves have gone through it. I can remember when I was pregnant with Carter praying at night that my baby would be happy and healthy. Then I would say, "God you just make him healthy and we will make him happy". God did bring us a healthy baby he just happens to have one extra chromosome. Carter is truly the center of our world, I don't remember life without him. And yes there are hard days, when I see other babies that are walking before him or talking before him but I can get past that. We celebrate each small thing like it is the biggest defeat! Our little munchkin can climb up the stairs, pull himself up on everything, he is crawling on his hands and knees (although still loves to army crawl) and is taking little steps from one thing to the next.
So when I am in the delivery room next, I will just be praying for a healthy baby, just like my Carter.
*I have had a few people ask me if I decided to do testing this time around to check for DS. Eric and I didn't have to think twice, we decided against the testing. No test can predict the future and the love you will feel for your child.